Tag: Parenting

Capable Kids Q&A

Capable Kids Q&A: Differently Wired

Sharon Holbrook

Welcome to Capable Kids Q&A, where you send me your dilemmas about lovingly nudging your kids towards a thriving can-do spirit, and I pull together the research, expertise, and wisdom out there to bring you encouragement and ideas. (Thank you for sending your great questions; keep them coming.)

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Q: My 16-year-old son has ADHD and LD in reading and writing. I struggle all the time with understanding when to help and when to let him be more independent. Any suggestions on how to figure this out?

A: Summer is the perfect time for all of us to think about how our families approach schoolwork, which is what I think you’re asking about. The pressure of right-now homework is gone, we’re enjoying a break, and we can take some low-key time to think about what worked last year, and what could go better next year.

To help with the best approach for kids to capability with ADHD and/or learning disabilities, I reached out to the wonderful Debbie Reber, founder of TiLT Parenting and author of Differently Wired: Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World. I highly recommend Debbie’s work—please check it out.

Meanwhile, here’s Debbie on this tough question:

It’s tricky finding the right balance when supporting our differently wired teens’ fledgling skills, whether it’s executive functioning, emotional regulation, or academics, especially because they’re all on their own unique timeline. But keeping in mind the ultimate goal—launching young adults who have a good grasp of their strengths, have identified personal “hacks” for navigating their challenges, and have the confidence to ask for the support they need—it’s critical that our kids have many opportunities to struggle and yes, fail, so they can do the necessary work to get there.

Ultimately, we want to engage in thoughtful scaffolding—having supports in place and gradually removing them to give our child room to grow. The challenge is that many parents of neurodivergent kids have been acting as their child’s prefrontal lobe for years, and so we want to move slowly, focusing on one or two specific skills at a time to give our kids a chance to gain competency. Ideally, we do this in collaboration with our child, and we explain why (to help them develop the skills they need to be successful) and how (gradually and deliberately) we are removing support.

Lastly, I love the suggestion William Stixrud and Ned Johnson write about in their phenomenal book, The Self-Driven Child, which is to put on our “consultant” hat when supporting our teens. This means that we offer support but we don’t overstep. Instead of imposing our strategies or guidance for things like organizing assignments, we let our kids know that we’re available if they need us. We ask them open questions like “What’s your plan for tackling that assignment?” rather than telling them what to do. It may feel messy and uncomfortable at first, but it gives our kids much needed control over their lives and a chance to discover what they need to succeed, all while protecting our relationship with them by taking our “parent as nag” role off the table.

So wise, and I’m also a huge fan of The Self-Driven Child—full of great advice, particularly for the teen years.

So, what now in your family? Summer reading might be the perfect way to begin your slow, gentle approach. As Debbie says, we need to start small, explain, and collaborate. If you’ve already discussed this—that you’ll be transferring more and more academic responsibility and independence to your teen—then you can probably begin with the Stixrud and Johnson’s “What’s your plan?” question about summer reading. You might get a brusque “Mom-I’ve-got-it!”, and that’s OK. Wanting to take responsibility without your help is a sign he’s on his way, even if the follow-through is still hit or miss. If he brushes you off with assurances that he’s taking care of it, bite your tongue. I know it’s hard, but he needs a chance to try for himself. In a month or six weeks, you could ask, “Still on track with your summer reading? I know you said you wanted to handle it, and that’s great. Let me know if you have any questions.”

On the other hand, if your teen is used to lots of hands-on support when it comes to managing schoolwork, you may want to start a few steps further back by having a collaborative conversation about resetting expectations and offering more scaffolding towards independence. “Hey, I know how overwhelming it can be when schoolwork is coming fast and furious. I’d love to help you manage it a little more independently next school year since you’re getting older, and you’re probably tired of me looking over your shoulder. Why don’t we try a new approach with your summer reading this year? I could help you develop a schedule for your reading and journal entries, and then you could be in charge of it without me nagging. Or maybe you’d prefer to come up with your own plan, and then we can check it every few weeks to see how it’s going? What do you think would be best for you?”

Either way, you’re sending a clear message: It’s getting to be your turn to manage this. I’ll give you a chance. I’m here to support you. Let’s work together—but ultimately, it’s up to you.

I hope that’s helpful—and I’d love to hear how it goes. Good luck, and please let me know!

p.s. If your teenager doesn’t have summer reading, choose something else to practice transferring responsibility to him this summer. Maybe you’ve been doing his laundry or managing his sports equipment or cooking all the dinners. What can you begin to transition to him in the gentle on-ramp of the summer months?

Capable Kids Q&A

Capable Kids Q&A: Confidence Tips for Kids

Sharon Holbrook

Q: Can you focus on building an elementary kid’s confidence—in particular ages 6-8?

A: This is such a fun, exciting age of possibility—early elementary kids are usually fairly agreeable, and they can do far more for themselves than they could a few years earlier when they were in preschool or kindergarten. (And preschoolers and kindergartners can often do so much more than we think, but that’s a topic for another day!)

I’m curious from your question about whether there’s a specific worry here. Some common concerns about confidence might relate to:

  • Timidness in sports or other activities
  • Nervousness about leaving parents, or other anxieties
  • Shyness about speaking up or making friends
  • Lack of positive belief in their own abilities or qualities

Some young kids are naturally bolder and outgoing than others, and what we’re seeing may sometimes be more about temperament than it is about confidence—say, the kid who just takes a little more time to warm up in social situations. And some kids may exhibit a lot of confidence in one area and not in another. That’s all perfectly normal.

But all kids, no matter what their inborn personality, can benefit from the confidence that comes from self-efficacy. As we discussed in Capable Kids Q&A: Confidence Through Action, kids (and adults, for that matter) benefit from that “I can do it!” feeling of knowing we can handle the challenge before us. We are happier, mentally healthier, and—yes, more confident—when we have self-efficacy. The most robust source of self-efficacy is that of mastery experiences—times we’ve handled other real-life challenges. Every time we meet a challenge, our confidence gets stronger. So how do younger elementary kids built that self-efficacy muscle, especially if they’re not naturally a take-the-world-by-storm type? Here are some ideas:

  • If they haven’t already been doing so for years, let them choose their own clothes and dress themselves. It’s such a simple, low-stakes way to communicate to our children, “You have opinions that are valuable. You can start to make choices without me. You can do things for yourself.” You may see some really creative outfits…but a little (or a lot) of pattern and color mixing never hurt anyone!

  • Let them develop confidence through their interests, not ours. Not every kid needs to play team sports or whatever else we parents may gravitate towards. Self-efficacy, not to mention joy, comes more naturally when a child likes the activity—whether it’s sewing or music or jumping rope or trying to master Pokemon Go.

  • Give them chores. You can start anywhere, but I like to start with mealtime chores because they happen so regularly that it’s easiest to be consistent. (Here’s how it (kind of messily) unfolded in our house.) Counting on them to set the table or help clear the table or wash the dishes isn’t glamorous, but it ultimately gives them a sense of pride in their abilities and contributions. Yes, even if they complain.

  • Encourage them to speak up. When you go to a store, let them check out when they buy a pack of gum. Have them give their own name to the receptionist at the doctor or dentist. Let them order their own ice cream. Pause before answering for your child. You’re there, ready to assist if they get stuck, but when they get a chance to try they can begin to get a sense of themselves as a capable, independent person who successfully interacts with the world.

  • Ask their advice. “Which necklace do you think I should wear with this shirt?” “What do you think Ezra would like for his birthday?” “Which of these screwdrivers do you think will fit in this screw?” “Do you think that movie will scare your little brother, or do you think he’s old enough to watch it?” Translation: You are not passive or helpless. You can contribute. Your ideas are important and helpful to this family.

  • Consider a pet or a plant. Around this age, the personal pet requests may start: A pet I can keep in my own room! Can your child remember to care for one? A bunny or a chameleon might be more than you want to supervise, but maybe a betta fish or goldfish could be a start. And if animals are off the table, consider whether plant care (indoors or outdoors) might work. Kids can take tremendous personal pride in being responsible for another living being.

  • Dial down—or at least reframe—the compliments. You might be familiar with the research saying that we shouldn’t compliment kids on how smart they are, which we previously touched on here. (It doesn’t work to build confidence; when faced with a challenge, these anointed “smart kids” tend to give up, deciding that maybe they weren’t so smart after all because it stopped being easy.) Instead, praise how hard the kid worked to figure something out. A good rule of thumb is to praise what children can control from the inside—their choices, decisions, persistence, style—rather than to label them from the outside. (“You’re so smart.” “You’re so pretty.” “You’re so athletic.”)

I hope these ideas will help your younger elementary kids build that self-efficacy and the sense of confidence that comes with it. It’s so worth it—when they realize what they can do, they just light up with pride and joy. You will, too.

As always, please let me know how it goes! (You can always reach me through the question form at the top of this article, through my contact form, or by pressing reply in your email when you receive my newsletter.)

Photo by Kaiyu Wu on Unsplash
Capable Kids Q&A

Capable Kids Q&A: Reluctant Cyclist

Sharon Holbrook

Welcome to Capable Kids Q&A, where you send me your dilemmas about lovingly nudging your kids towards a thriving can-do spirit, and I pull together the research, expertise, and wisdom out there to bring you encouragement and ideas. (Thank you for sending your great questions; keep them coming.)

Q: How can I encourage my 9-year-old only child to learn to bike ride? It’s one of my favorite summer leisure activities and I want him to join me!

A: Some of my nieces and nephews just hopped on the bike at age 5 or 6 and rode off—and that was that when it came to learning a two-wheeler. Other kids take to swimming the same way: confident, headlong, fearless. I did not have those children, and it sounds like you don’t, either.

It’s a tough balance. You want to respect the child’s interests and feelings, but also nudge them out of discomfort into rewarding, challenging things. In some ways, swimming was an easier call for me: It simply MUST happen. It’s a survival skill, not a hobby. (For our family, with three cautious, sensitive kids, that meant a LOT of patience and persistence over many years. But that’s a story for another day.)

Biking is more challenging in some ways. Kids don’t NEED to learn to ride a bike in the same way they need to swim, and yet it’s a life skill that we assume every older kid and adult has. Plus, it’s fun to do together, and you want to enjoy biking!

It’s perfectly appropriate to say to your son, “Hey, guess what? Our April project is going to be learning to bike ride!” When it comes to life skills, kids don’t always get to choose.

That doesn’t mean we’re dictators; you can show respect for his reluctance (and, I’m assuming, nerves) by going consistently but gently. Allowing for a month means you can say, “We’re going to take it slow—we’ll do just 5 minutes of practice every single day.” It also means you can take incremental steps: At first, tell your son not to put his feet on the pedals; he’s just going to walk the bike with his feet and, when he feels comfortable, lift his feet and coast for a second or two. Let him also wear knee pads and wrist/hand guards if he wants.

And if he’s not pedaling solo by the end of the month, just start a new month with confidence. Your consistent message? “Hey, I know you’re not excited about this, but I know you can do this, and you’re going to be so proud when you get it. Remember when you did [other hard thing]?” (Building on other successes, or “mastery experiences,” feeds confidence. For more on this, see my article on self-efficacy.)

I love this question because it simply boils down so much of what it is to encourage our kids’ capability: 1) we express unshakable confidence that they’ll get there (whatever “there” is in any given situation); 2) we respectfully acknowledge their discomfort while showing them how to move forward through it; and 3) we are patient with missteps, failures, and the slooooow walk to maturity.

I hope this helps, and I’d love to hear how it goes!

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Capable Kids Q&A

Capable Kids Q&A: Procrastinating Teen Artist

Sharon Holbrook

Welcome to Capable Kids Q&A, where you send me your dilemmas about lovingly nudging your kids towards a thriving can-do spirit, and I pull together the research, expertise, and wisdom out there to bring you encouragement and ideas. (Thank you for sending your great questions; keep them coming.)

Capable Kids Q&A: Procrastinating Teen Artist

Q: My 13-year-old has to submit a portfolio of artwork as part of an application process to a few arts-based high schools she wants to attend. A few of the submission pieces require a form of art she does not enjoy. She has continuously put off doing the work, and that’s causing her great anxiety.

Yet, when I ask about her schedule to get it done, she tells me she’s got it under control and not to bother her about it. Last weekend she stressed herself out so much, she spent the weekend in fits and tears, which both broke my heart and frustrated the hell out of me!! I want to leave it up to her to figure out how to get it all done … or not, and suffer the consequences, but I also know she’s 13 and needs guidance. So, what’s the right balance of letting her figure it out but also helping where I should?

A: We so often think procrastination is about laziness or disorganization—but, as I think you’ve already figured it with your daughter, it’s really about our emotions. In short, we often delay a task to feel better in the short-term, say the experts quoted in my favorite article ever about understanding procrastination. Even without the wrinkle of the less-desired art forms, the stakes are high. She has to complete and be evaluated on an application for something she really does want—admission to an arts high school. We can easily imagine the self-talk: Is my art good enough? What if I don’t get in? When you mention the application, it brings up all those uncomfortable emotions that she’d rather not feel. Naturally, she wants you to stop, because your well-intentioned inquiries are derailing her if-I-don’t-think-about-it-maybe-it-will-go-away procrastination plan.

So that’s what’s behind all this—but what to do about it?

Our goal as parents is to help kids manage their responsibilities independently, but we have to first meet them where they are. Where your daughter is right now is stressed-out. Here’s where you can start:

· If it feels right to you, apologize for inadvertently adding any pressure. At a quiet, peaceful time when she’s not keyed up about this application, reiterate that you don’t mean to be a nag—in my experience with teens, poking fun at myself for nagging can defuse some of the tension—and that you’re on her side and definitely not looking to add stress.

· Acknowledge that her feelings are perfectly normal. She’s completing a high-stakes application, and she may be worried about doing well on it. Stress and anxiety are normal, healthy responses that help us respond to demanding situations. Once we start stressing about our stress, though, we add a less-useful layer of anxiety, says Dr. Lisa Damour in Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls. It’s OK that she feels stress about this application, and she doesn’t have to feel bad about that.

· Explain that procrastination is an understandable emotional response to the stress she’s feeling, and that, unfortunately, it can make things feel worse in the long run.

· Gently offer to help her brainstorm a plan. This is where you can start to hand the reins back to your daughter. “Like you said, you’ll get it done. I know that. But it’d be nice if there was a way to tackle it so it isn’t so stressful. You may be able to figure that out better for yourself—or would you rather brainstorm a plan together?” She may want the family out of the house for the afternoon—or she may want someone else across the table “co-working” on something on their own computer.

Once she’s sure you’re not trying to add to her stress, she may be better able to think through her needs and let you know how you can support her. One more thing: If you have a partner or spouse, consider which of you is the best suited to handle this situation. After 13 years, you can probably guess which parent your daughter will cut more slack—a reality which can change by the day at this age!

Good luck—can’t wait to hear how it goes.

father teaching his son how to ride a bike
Newsletter

The Latest: My New Article + Bonus | Can I Help? ❤️| Tidbits

Sharon Holbrook

Hey there,

Around here winter has reached that stage I’m calling the Great Softening. Finally, finally, finally, the temperature is getting above freezing every day and the drip of water and shrinking snow promises that spring is slowly creeping in. Once again, spring will win. This, plus good news about COVID numbers, means I’m feeling extra hopeful these days. How are you? I always like to hear.

I have so much to share today! You may have seen my new article in the New York Times, Emptying the Dishwasher Can Enrich Kids’ Mental Health. Reporting this was fascinating; there’s so much expertise showing that asking more of kids doesn’t mean cracking down on them, but instead building them up. I love sharing this good news.

A little behind the scenes: It took SO LONG to get this article from my original pitch (early November) to publication (February). There was editing, additional reporting, a very busy editor, and fact-checking (NYT is so thorough and professional!). But that means I also had time to create a little bonus for you: a super-practical extra sharing 8 Ways to Nurture Kids’ Independence, even now during the pandemic.

The Latest: Can I Help?

I’m starting a brand-new feature and I’m sharing it with you, my very favorite people, first! You can ask for advice on your dilemmas in raising capable kids, and I’ll try to find you the answers using the best expertise out there. It’s not that I personally have all the answers (just ask my three kids) but I do know how to find those answers, so I’m hoping we can all learn from this project together.

My promise: It’ll always be encouraging (never scolding). You can see more details here and share your dilemma (anonymously, if you like) here: Ask Sharon Holbrook: Raising Capable Kids.

I hope you’ll reach out! ❤️

The Latest: Tidbits

I feel like I’ve shared so much today, and I’m not quite done yet. (We’re almost there, I promise!) I have two more things I want to share that you might find valuable:

  • If you have kids that are approaching college age (say, 8th grade and up), I highly recommend signing up for Destination→College, an 8-part series on the run-up to college admissions. You can watch as few or many sessions as you want. It’s just $49 for all 8 weeks and it’s being presented by my employer, Your Teen, which is why I’m feeling confident it’ll be so good. My oldest is just a 9th-grader, so I have no idea what the process involves these days, and I’m looking forward to getting the lay of the land.
    ​
  • It must be conference season, because I’m also working on planning the upcoming Parenting Journalists Conference. This isn’t for everyone, but if you are or want to be a parenting writer, this will be a fantastic resource. I’ll be there – maybe I’ll see you.

​

Whew! Was that enough information and announcements? I hope it was helpful. As always, I’d love to hear from you – your feedback, your questions, what you’re making for dinner. (Kidding not kidding? We always need ideas around here!)

Warmly,

Sharon

p.s. A little silliness – my editor actually let me sneak the phrase “zeitgeisty sourdough” into the Sunday Times. Ha!

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New York Times, Sharon's Published Work

Emptying the Dishwasher Can Enrich Kids’ Mental Health

Sharon Holbrook

Allowing kids to try to meet (and master) real-life challenges helps them build a healthy, protective sense of self-efficacy. Happy to share my latest for the New York Times.

Emptying the Dishwasher Can Enrich Kids’ Mental Health

Published online February 11, 2021, and in print on February 14, 2021.

Newsletter

The Latest: How to Survive Parenthood | Quests | Something Delicious

Sharon Holbrook

Hey there,

Over and over, I’ve wondered how parents of young kids are making it these days. Because I stayed home with my kids when they were small, doing that with a side of pandemic thrown in is where my mind goes first: The isolation of new motherhood without being able to go to a parent group or meet a friend for coffee. The relentlessness of active toddlerhood at home without being able to get relief from a grandparent or even mix it up with a Target run or story time at the library. And supervising remote kindergarten? I’m exhausted already.

Now add in working full-time without childcare, single parenting, and/or parenting a child with a profound disability, and you get the situation of many American moms right now as laid out in this devastating New York Times profile of three women on the brink.

I can’t fix any of this. We need big policy solutions and an end to this stupid pandemic. But I guess the small thing I have to offer are two things that I wish I’d known in the hardest years (it does get easier—some of it, at least!):

  • Experts don’t know everything. There are so many ways to get parenting right. I’ve recently been reading a ton of books about parenting practices and advice across different cultures and time periods. It’s all different. In fact, expert advice has even changed in the mere decade and a half that I’ve been parenting. Over the last few centuries, “experts” have advised everything from not hugging and kissing your child (ever) to letting your baby nurse donkey milk directly from the animal. So, in the words of mid-20th century expert Dr. Spock, “You know more than you think.”
    ​
  • Optimism is a parent’s best friend. The optimism that our kids are inherently capable. That with our love and guidance as their home base, we can trust them with trying for themselves, with messing up, with figuring out what to do next. That they’re going to be OK—even if they’re going through something really hard right now. We don’t have to be perfect or perfectly happy, and neither do our kids. Really. It’s natural to be anxious about getting a job as important as parenting right, but quiet confidence that we can do this—that we already are doing this—are the brakes we all need on the runaway worry truck.
    ​

The Latest: Quests

I (and maybe you) keep returning to the same question this winter: How can we fill and mark time right now? The sameness of being at home amid dark and cold weather cries out for something to shake off the lethargy. It’s what’s behind my wishes for tiny parties and small comforts.

Let’s add The Quest to our toolbox. I think I originally heard this idea from writer Gretchen Rubin, who’s the queen of searching for small things that add meaning and happiness. Why not take on a quest—a committed search for a certain item or accomplishment? It sounds ambitious, but it’s not supposed to be. It can be as simple as visiting every playground in your town, finding the best recipe for pancakes, or stopping to photograph every colorful front door you see on your walks.

Quests should be fun, provide a small sense of purpose, and insert a little novelty into our days. My quest, right now, is to see a snowy owl in person before winter ends. Most winters, the occasional snowy owl pops across Lake Erie from Canada and settles along our Cleveland lakeshore. This winter, they’re definitely here. No luck yet, but this video of one of our local visitors keeps me going. Magnificent.

If you have a quest, I’d love to hear about it!

The Latest: Something Delicious

Sure, desserts are amazing, but what I need more of in my life are delicious vegetables. We’ve come a long way from the canned and boiled options of decades ago, but I’m greedy. I want them to be just SO GOOD, and I want to add lots and lots of vegetable goodness to my whole day.

I’ll start—these brussels sprouts are my favorite. Trust me, I’ve converted a lot of brussels sprout nonbelievers.

Simple Roasted Brussels Sprouts

  1. Heat oven to 400 degrees.
  2. Cut stem ends off (you don’t want any woodiness), and then chop sprouts into roughly 1/2 inch size pieces. Don’t worry if leafy bits fall off while you’re chopping—use all of it.
  3. Spread the amount you want on a baking sheet (you can keep the rest of the uncooked chopped sprouts in a container in the fridge for at least a week and roast as needed—better to do this than keep cooked leftovers— they lose their crispy magic).
  4. Toss on the pan with enough olive oil to make them glisten, spread them out, and sprinkle generously with kosher salt (not table salt) and pepper.
  5. Roast until nice and crispy for 30-45 minutes. If you peek and they’re mostly done and you want to hurry things along, you can raise the oven temp to 425 for the last five minutes to brown them up so you can get to the table.
  6. Eat them up. You can try reheating any leftovers but they’re never, ever as good!
    ​

Pay me back with your own vegetable goodness, won’t you?

Sending you my wishes for a peaceful week with small joys and light burdens.

Warmly,

Sharon

p.s. Broke out the cross-country skis for the first time in years. If not now, when?

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Newsletter

The Latest: Art and Hope | “Crap” | Tiny Parties

Sharon Holbrook

Hey there,

Anyone else have whiplash from this long, strange January?

We started with so much hope, a fresh page. Then, worsening COVID numbers (including the illness of one of my loved ones, who has since recovered), violence at the Capitol, impeachment.

Last week, I felt an unfamiliar sensation: hope. The week was rightly dominated by raves for Amanda Gorman (you’ve seen the 22-year-old poet’s spellbinding recitation of her incredible poem “The Hill We Climb” at the inauguration, right?) After ugliness and mayhem earlier in the month, Amanda Gorman brought true patriotism (accountable, aspirational patriotism), goodness, hope, and dignity, all wrapped up in a sunshine-yellow coat, and shone it all out on those same Capitol steps. And that, my friends, is why we need art. ❤️

(Oh, and HUMOR. Yeah, it’s kind of jumped the shark at this point, but it felt good to enjoy some pure laughter at sillier and sillier memes starring Bernie Sanders in his mittens, didn’t it?)

The Latest: “Crap”

Ahem. While we’re talking about the power of words: Did you know, it is more effective to refrain from referring to your children’s widely strewn belongings as “crap.”

I, a natural slob who aspires to neatness, cannot own too many belongings. I simply can’t manage lots of stuff. That, in turn, means I am constantly trying to declutter the excess items that put me over the edge into mess. And it does help.

But then there are my children’s things. I’ve written before about the endless influx of junk items and my doubts that Marie Kondo could fix my house without decluttering the children themselves. I know it’s hard to believe, but my children did not read these articles and clean up their act.

Which is how I find myself losing my chill every once in a while and yelling, “Get all this CRAP out of here!” Crap is about as sweary as my kids hear me get, so they know to scurry around and pick up their strewn and crumpled whatevers before Mom comes even more undone. (Before I lose my crap?)

But—file this under Obvious Things—it turns out barking about “crap” is not, in fact, very effective. Lately, here is what actually seems to be WORKING (and is NICER):

  • Instead of, “*Sigh* Can you clean up your lunch dishes and school stuff?”, I’m having more success with “Can you make the dining room table look pretty for dinner? (Note my restraint about the lunch stuff! It’s 5 p.m.!)
    ​
  • Instead of “You have too much stuff. You have got to get rid of some things,” I’m having more luck with “Can you think about which things aren’t so much your favorites anymore? It’s so crowded in this closet, and I want you to be able to really enjoy your favorites! Let’s make them really easy to find.”
    ​

OK, so this is a small improvement. But there is still plenty of mess (and more nagging/reminding than I’d like). I need your help: How do you get your kids to manage their belongings 1) neatly and 2) cheerfully? (#2 may be too much to ask?!)

The Latest: Tiny Parties

Obviously there are no REAL parties, and winter is currently showing me swatches of Endless Gray, so we’re declaring random parties. Inauguration Day? USA fruit skewers (see below) and a chocolate baking contest. Cleveland Browns in the playoffs? A cheese puff vs. Cheeto taste test. We just feel like it? Flowers from the grocery store and a cheerful, summery dinner table runner.

Do what you’ve got to do, right? Let me know how you’re getting along these days. I like hearing from you.

Warmly,

Sharon

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Sharon's Published Work, Washington Post

How to Raise Capable Kids Without Feeling Like a Jerk

Sharon Holbrook

If you haven’t heard about Bean Dad, lucky you, I think? (I’ll explain. And briefly, I promise.) But, really, it is possible to be kind and to raise capable, independent kids. Here’s my latest for Washington Post.

How to Raise Capable Kids Without Feeling Like a Jerk

Published in Washington Post, January 5, 2021

(Photo by Marisa Howenstine on Unsplash)

white van parked at the side of the road near trees during day
Sharon's Published Work, Your Teen Magazine

When There’s No Holiday Road Trip

Sharon Holbrook

Who would have thought anyone could miss an 8-hour road trip. Well, in 2020, all things (and no things) are possible. My new essay:

When There’s No Holiday Road Trip

Published December 22, 2020 in Your Teen